Here is an exercise program for those of us whose wisdom exceeds our ambition. The doctor told me: “Physical exercise is good for you.” I know I need to do it, but my body is out of shape. So I’ve worked out this easy, daily program I can do anywhere. If I can do it, you can do it!

Monday
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.

Tuesday
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of molehills.
Hit the nail on the head.

Wednesday
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the bandwagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.

Thursday
Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out the stops.
Add fuel to the fire.

Friday
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.

Saturday
Pick up the pieces.

FIRST DEGREE

Boudreaux and his wife were asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning. Boudreaux picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know? That’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up. His wife asked, Who was that?” Boudreaux answered, “I don’t know — some man wanting to know if the coast is clear.”

SECOND DEGREE

Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.”

The second Cajun says, “Here, let me see!” So the first Cajun hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

THIRD DEGREE

Boudreaux suspects his wife of cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his house unexpectedly and when he opens the door he finds her in the arms of a redhead. Well, Boudreaux is really angry. He pulls out the gun, and as he does so, he is overcome with
grief. He takes the gun and puts it to his head.

His wife yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!”

Boudreaux replies, “Shut up! You’re next!”

FOURTH DEGREE

Boudreaux was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals. He proudly said, “Go ahead and ask me; I know all of them.”

A friend said, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?”

Boudreaux replied, “Oh, that’s easy, W.”

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the Cajun girl ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”

SIXTH DEGREE

Boudreaux, a Cajun in his fourth year as a LSU Freshman, sat in his U.S. government class. The professor suddenly asked him, “Do you know what Roe vs. Wade was about?”

Boudreaux pondered the question and finally replied, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, Boudreaux was shocked to find his house broken into and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once to report the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house, with his dog on a leash, Boudreaux ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sank down on the steps. Putting his face in his hands, he moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/opinion/walthandelsman/blog/2007/11/animation_baby_boomers.html

Any of you baby boomers out there will get a kick out of this. Click on the link (or copy and paste into your url). Turn up the sound and enjoy the ride!

We had a blast! I miss them already!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NaSROohLzs

Click on the link (or copy and paste into your URL) and listen to Brad Paisley and Sara Evans sing a duet with some clips from the Mel Gibson movie “The Passion of the Christ.” Get out your kleenex … it’s a tear jerker …

Mike has to go to Carlsbad, New Mexico this weekend to work and he’s planning on driving. So he asked me if I’d like to take a couple of days vacation next week so I can go with him. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do! We will leave Saturday morning and be back Tuesday evening late. I still have about 46 hours worth of vacation I need to use before the end of the year. And besides, I haven’t had much time with him lately because of his work schedule and mine. So, it will be fun! Erica will be here with grandma … (oh joy, she’s thinking … NOT!!) Heh heh heh heh …

And soon it will be my birthday (the double nickel this year) and shortly after that, Chase’s birthday. He’ll be 26 years old. I think he’s planning to come down here on his birthday weekend so we can celebrate and his sister can take him shopping to get things to decorate his new apartment. Then the following weekend we are driving to see his new apartment and meet up with some friends of ours from Mississippi who will be there to look at the university that their daughter wants to attend next year … which happens to be the university where Chase is on staff.

And that’s about it for now … I’ll give you an update when we get back from New Mexico.

Click on this link or copy and paste it in your url. It’s really cute!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jF-yU7Rq2XQ

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I’m sorry. What was the question?

A picture is worth a thousand words …

Shortcuts through rough times may lead to shortcomings later down the road. Learn to ask God what you are supposed to learn from a rough situation … instead of asking God to remove that thing entirely.

Think about it …

A senior at LSU was overheard saying..”When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.”

When asked why, he replied “I’d rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.”

It’s been a short while since I posted … Hurricane Humberto missed us … yipee! I was a little worried. Looks like we “dodged another bullet” as the old timers say around here. And took a day of vacation to add with my Friday off and went to Giddings for a visit with my sister and to see my mom. Had a great time. A bunch of my sister’s friends came over Friday night. My brother in law grilled hamburgers and I made an absolute pig (oink) out of myself. Blew my diet big time. But it was worth it because it was YUMMY! It was good to relax. Then I hurried home Saturday evening so I could spend a little time with Mike and Erica before they headed to Orlando. Mike is doing his yearly company meeting while Erica and Alex are staying at Disneyworld and doing that. Oh, and I also had to buy a new tire for my car today. And I need to go back in a couple of weeks (when I have $$$) and buy another one. Don’t I have an exciting life??? (yeah, right)

And that’s about it for now …

Tropical Storm Humberto – Intermediate Advisory 1a

Issued: Wednesday, September 12th 2007 12:47pm CDT

At 12:45 pm CDT, Tropical Depression Nine was upgraded to Tropical Storm Humberto by the National Hurricane Center. At 1pm, the center of Humberto will be near 28.3N/95.1W, or about 60 miles south of Freeport, TX. Maximum winds are up to 45 mph with higher gusts in squalls. Movement is to the north at 6 mph.

Our forecast takes the center of Humberto inland near or just east of Freeport Texas by midnight tonight. Its close proximity to land and the presence of dry air flowing off the mid Texas coast will prevent much strengthening prior to landfall. The main threat from Humberto remains from heavy rainfall. The core of heaviest rain will likely extend from just east of Houston to Lake Charles, LA. Parts of extreme southeast Texas and southwest Louisiana could receive 5-10 inches of rain tonight and Thursday morning. We expect isolated amounts could reach 15 inches.

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

“You know,” he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?”

The driver said, “No problem. Have at it.” Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily
caught the limo. He got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, “I know we are supposed to enforce the law … but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.”

The supervisor asked, “Is it the governor?” The young trooper said, “No, he’s more important than that.”

The supervisor said, “Oh, so it’s the president.” The young trooper said, “No, he’s even more important than that.”

The supervisor finally asked, “Well then, who is it?” The young trooper said, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”

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We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.
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This past Friday I had to have my cat, Jasmine, put down. She was 13 1/2 years old and had what basically amounts to leukemia. It was a difficult thing for me to do because I’d had her since she was a kitten. But at the same time, I couldn’t stand to see her suffering. So the decision was pretty much something that couldn’t be avoided. Anyway, here is a picture I took of her on Thursday night.

She was a great companion. I will miss her.

(Thank you to my sister for this funny!)

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation – “What can you learn from this demonstration?”

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

That pretty much ended the service …

George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter:

GEORGE: Are you the owner?
PHARMACIST: Yes.
GEORGE: We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?
PHARMACIST: “Of course we do.”
GEORGE: “How about support hose for circulation?
PHARMACIST: Definitely.
GEORGE: What about medicine for rheumatism, osteoporosis and arthritis?
PHARMACIST: All kinds.
GEORGE: How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?
PHARMACIST: Yes sir.
GEORGE: Hearing aid & denture supplies and reading glasses?
PHARMACIST: Yes.
GEORGE: What about eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol and Ensure?
PHARMACIST: Absolutely.
GEORGE: You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?
PHARMACIST: All kinds and sizes. Why all of these questions?

George smiles and replies to the pharmacist, “We’d like to use your store as our Bridal registry.”

A few things on my mind right now …

(1) Last night was the Disney channel premier of the movie “High School Musical 2.” Erica, being the sweet teacher that she is, invited a few of her little girls from Kids Club over to watch it on the BIG screen. They ranged in age from 1st through 3rd grades … quite rowdy at times … but terribly “in love” with “Troy.” They kept waiting for he and “Gabriella” to kiss, which they finally did at the end of the movie. They ate pizza, chips, queso dip, puppy chow, and a cake that Erica lovingly prepared for them. Of course, I took a few pictures. If you want to take a look at them, click on (or copy and paste into your url) the following link:

http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=80899408

(2) Hurricane Dean is causing some concern around here. He’s already at a Category 4 as he’s coming near the Yucatan Penisula. If the “highs” that have been hovering over Texas continue to move AWAY from us like they’ve started to do, that opens it up for Dean to make landfall anywhere along the Texas Gulf coast if he so chooses. Several of the projected paths show it going in south of Brownsville (into Mexico) but a weather guy on one of the local channels here said last night that one of the projected paths shows Dean coming in at Galveston and that the information the NOA weather people used to calculate that “possibility,” was one that is more widely accepted than some of the others.

This really causes me some personal concern because ever since Hurricane Rita in 2005, Mike has been heavily involved in Emergency Operations for Harris County and the Houston area. Our new police station here in La Porte has an EOC (Emergency Operations Center) that is top of the line. That basically means if Hurricane Dean decides to come on land anywhere close to us, Mike will have to stay and work in the EOC. Now I don’t want to be in the house with just me, Erica, mother-in-law, and the 5 cats if Mike isn’t going to be here with us. If Dean downgrades to a Category 2 or 3, I don’t have a problem staying alone. BUT … if he stays at a Cat 4 or even (heaven forbid!) goes to a Cat 5, I’m outta here!

So my next decision, if I should have to evacuate or if they make it mandatory for LP is this: Do I go to Longview, or Giddings? Longview is farther away (4 hours) and would afford me a little more protection. But Giddings is only 2 hours away and would be easier to get to. However, the remnants of Dean … should he come ashore near Galveston … would still pack a pretty powerful punch even as far away as Giddings. And … can I convince Mike to let me and the entourage take the Expedition if I evacutate (so there will be room for everybody!)? It’s new and I know it would definitely be road worthy. We have an old Suburban that he could keep here at the EOC with him … not that he’s going to be out driving anywhere anyway, right?!

(3) On a lighter note … I’ve completely weaned off my anti-depressant. Yay me! I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance that caused my depression about 12 years ago. I was also fortunate that the first anti-depressant my doctor put me on worked perfectly. I tried weaning off with my doctor’s supervision a couple of years ago. Couldn’t do it. But this time I prayed that God would heal me of the chemical imbalance, and He has! It was interesting how God confirmed that I was supposed to stop taking the med. The next day, after I prayed about it, I had a doctor appointment for an eye infection. While I was at the doctor’s office, he asked me (out of the blue, no less) if I would like to try weaning off the med again. Since he (the doctor) had no idea I had even been praying for healing, I found it interesting that he brought up the subject at all. So of course, I said yes. And he gave me samples of the med as I “stepped down” the dosage so I didn’t have to pay for getting prescriptions filled. What normally would take about 6 to 8 weeks to accomplish, was done in about 4 1/2 weeks. And with no side effects either! Because believe me, weaning off Effexor XR is NOT easy or fun. It has horriffic (spelling?) side effects when you start stepping down on the dosage. So while some may say the doctor asking me about getting off the med was just a “coincidence,” let me remind you that COINCIDENCE IS WHEN GOD DECIDES TO PERFORM A MIRACLE, AND REMAIN ANONYMOUS.

(4) Well, I guess that’s about all that’s on my mind for now … I’ll keep you updated on Hurricane Dean and what he’s doing … meanwhile, watch the weather channel.

. . . she made landfall around Corpus Christi this morning which is several hours south of us . . . but we had a lot of rain anyway and there’s more to come . . . here are some pictures I took this afternoon:

Drainage ditch on Fairmont Parkway . . .

East Boulevard at Fairmont Parkway . . .

McDonald’s – Fairmont Parkway and 8th Street (Near the Post Office)

Postal Truck stranded . . .

Rain, rain … go away … PLEASE!!

I got this from my friend, Jennifer. It was too cute not to post:

++++++++++

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “Th is is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.”

“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

“My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirs ty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

“Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another “Middle Wife” comes along.

A Crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.”

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. ”

“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”