Investment tips for 2008

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America, this might be some good advice.

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations later this year:

(1) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace

(2) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner, Cracker

(3) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood

(4) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa

(5) FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP

(6) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild

(7) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants

(8) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

I found a really fun website: www.yearbookyourself.com

If you go there you can upload a picture of yourself and see it transformed into a yearbook picture for any year from 1950 up to the year 2000. Just for kicks I did pictures for me and Erica for the year “1996.”

This is me …

This is Erica …

What do you think?

It’s been a really different week for us at the office. We’re still in recovery mode from Hurricane Ike, meaning there is a lot of work going on in various parts of the church building. We lost 2 walls on our gymnasium. We lost an entire wing of our education building. The preschool and childrens wing had some water damage. A company that specializes in cleaning up those kind of messes was contracted to work on our building. They’ve been busy at work since Tuesday morning. Sheet rock and drywall has come out and the drying out phase has begun. Dust was everywhere and even masks didn’t help.

And although we didn’t realize it, the church office sustained some moisture damage as well. So all day Thursday the workers were busy tearing out drywall as far as 2 feet up on the wall. Water got into the area where the server is stored and while there was no damage to the server itself, they had to move everything out of that closet to rip out drywall. So, no computer. We were already doing without internet since Comcast (at that point) still had about 50% of their customers off-line. Now, we couldn’t even access interoffice email. Add to that the fact that most of the staff had gone home. So Micki and I left about 3:00 Thursday. The work crew was waiting for us to leave anyway so they could tear out the drywall behind our desks. And my nose and eyes were burning so it was a good excuse to just “get outta Dodge.”

As far as we know, things should be back to normal (whatever normal is) Monday for the preschool and children’s area. Mom’s Day Out and Kids Club can resume. And the school district will resume classes Monday also.

I do believe that God has a sense of humor. I look at it this way … our church has a reputation in our community for “thinking and working outside the walls” of the church building. We’ve done that for years now. Well, God gave us a boost by sending Ike our way. And He did this not only in the physical sense of the fact that we literally lost 2 walls of a building, but we’ve also been able to get outside the walls and help citizens in our community with repairs on their homes, food, water, ice, lodging …

It’s been a really different week for us at work but a week where we get to put action to our words. Yes, I know it’s an old cliche, but it’s a true one: PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

Subject: Common Sense Obituary

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies(adults, not children are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

I believe…That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other.
I believe…That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe…That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe…That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe…That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe…That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe…That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe…That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.
I believe…That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe…That either you control your attitude or it controls you..
I believe…That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe…That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe…That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe…That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe…That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I believe…That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I believe…That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe…That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I believe…That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become.
I believe…That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I believe…Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe…That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I believe…That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I believe…That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe…That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

You know things are getting back to normal around here when the Super Wal-Mart reopens after a hurricane! Yes, Erica and I are back home. We have had electrical power since Monday afternoon but no internet. Yesterday (Friday) AT&T came out and fixed us up. The gas stations and grocery stores are slowly coming to life again. The electric company is actually doing a really great job restoring all the power to people. Galveston Island and several areas around it aren’t faring as well, though. It will be awhile before things are back to normal there. Boliver Penisula was pretty much wiped off the map. It’s been interesting to see satellite pictures of before and after Ike.

Our church sustained a lot of damage, like I mentioned in my previous post. People have been working every day to begin the process of restoration. (To see pictures of the damage, go to our church website: www.fairmontpark.org Click on the picture on the front page and it will take you to the photo gallery.) Mike has been working on the Catastrophic Team for Zurich so we haven’t seen much of him as of late. Thankfully our neighbors next door have helped us with removing debris from our yard. This morning they helped us begin the process of cutting up our oak tree that fell in the backyard. Mike will try to get a chain saw (or buy one, if one can be found) and cut up what we weren’t able to do. Overall we feel very blessed when we see damage done to the homes of friends. Amazingly it seems that the older homes fared much better than the new construction homes.

I hope this is the last (if not one of the last) postings I will do about Hurricane Ike. Goodbye, and good riddance to Ike!

Hurricane Ike made landfall near Galveston Island (Houston) on September 13, 2008 in the early morning hours. Although Ike was only a category 2 hurricane, which is low on the scale, he was considered by meterologists to be one of the strongest hurricanes in history since he was so large in diameter and packed a tremendous amount of water. Storm surges in Galveston were somewhere around 18-20 feet with the inland areas being closer to 8-10 feet … a lot of water with no place to go!

Since I live about 3 miles from a portion of Galveston Bay, our city had mandatory evacuation. We went to my sister’s house about 150 miles northwest of where we live. As a matter of fact, as I write this entry we are still at her house. We’re here because somewhere close to 4 million people in the Houston metropolitan area are without electrical power. That would include where we live. We are told we may have to wait 2 weeks … maybe 4 weeks … before we will have power restored. Of course that means in the meantime no gas pumps work; no ATM machines work; no restaurants are open; no grocery stores are open … well, you get the drift. Not to mention the heat and humidity, although I’m told a small cool front did move through today. They only expect it to stick around until the middle of the week, though. Even so, the daytime temperatures are still around 80 degrees. Once the cool front moves on the temperature will rise along with the humidity.

Of course, generators are an option for electrical power. But they are in short supply and even when you manage to find a generator, it costs you an arm and a leg to keep it running because gasoline prices are so high. It places you between a rock and a hard spot. I know of one family that called around to all the Wal-Marts and ended up driving 80 miles where they actually still had generators left. So, do you sweat it out and do without power or do you break the bank???

I’ve managed to collect a few pictures from friends who are back in LP and I’ve put them in a photo album on this site if you’re interested in looking at the devastation. I will say this much … our house only has a little bit of damage … some roof shingles missing, our privacy fence gone, and a couple of trees in the backyard that are on the ground. Thankfully none of them hit the house! Our church, however, did not fare as well. We lost 2 walls of our gymnasium and an entire wing of our educational building.

More later …

Here is the latest map from the National Hurricane Center as of 4:00 pm CDT. It is moving CLOSER to the Houston/Galveston area …

Notice how the white “cone” area has moved further east … not good …

Man, these hurricanes are driving me crazy! First we think Gustav is coming straight at us, then he changes and goes in on the Louisiana coast. That’s okay with me, but we still weren’t sure until the last day or so whether we would evacuate. Now there’s Ike … started out heading straight at us a few days ago … then changed to go in further south, between Corpus Christi and Brownsville … then the next morning he had taken a turn to the north and is projected to come in at Rockport … closer to us again! As long as he doesn’t come any further north, we will stay here even if he becomes a Category 3, which they are predicting he will strengthen to. But if he gets as close as Freeport … we’re outta here, especially at a Cat 3. This is driving me crazy, though. Do we leave? Do we not leave? No wonder I have so many gray hairs!

Here’s a picture from the National Hurricane Center showing Ike’s path as of 1:00 pm CDT today:

(For those who don’t know where Houston is on the map, look at the “opening” near the Texas/Louisiana border … the right side of the white “cone” shaped area is where Houston is.)

We went to Carmax today and Erica bought a 2005 Saturn VUE … here are some pictures:

Pretty, huh?

Gustav ended up not being as bad as everybody thought. Thankfully!

So, here’s the deal … Gustav is “projected” to make landfall around Morgan City, Louisiana which means it will be east of us. (We are basically 40 miles northwest of Galveston on the map … still within the “cone” of the storm.) Of course, there is always the chance that things could change. But if he makes landfall where they’re projecting, that’s good for us because it puts us on what is called the “clean side” of the storm. Even if Gustav stays a Category 4 storm by landfall, we will not evacuate. Morgan City is about 250 miles away. We should get a lot of rain and some strong winds. BUT if Gustav should make a last minute turn to the west and come in either at Galveston or (heaven forbid) Freeport, and if he is still a Cat 4, we will pack up the family and go further inland. If he is a Cat 3 or less, even coming in west of us, and being on the “dirty side,” we would not evacuate.

Now all we can do is wait and see where he decides to make landfall.

Still no word from the other guy’s insurance company on a settlement for my Mustang. They deemed it totaled and therefore were not obligated to continue to pay for me to have a rental car … so I had to turn the car back in early last week. But here’s the unfair part. It seems that there should be a REASONABLE length of time between accepting responsibility for my car and getting me a check so I can go ahead and buy something else. But apparently not as far as they’re concerned!

So now we are turning to OUR insurance company to go ahead and settle it so we can at least have some $$$ to car shop with and they will, of course, subrogate against the other guy’s insurance company to reimburse them. We are hoping to have a check by the end of this week so we can possibly buy a car this weekend. I’m so tired of driving the 17-year old, gas-guzzling Suburban around. It’s like trying to maneuver a yacht on land!

I know this has been around a long time … but it’s still funny so I thought I’d post it. We all need a good laugh. Enjoy!

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight:’Searching for Jesus.’
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off — let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:’Break Forth Into Joy.’
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, ‘Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’

The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.’

The Lord said, ‘Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.’

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, ‘Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.’

The Lord replied, ‘You want two lanes or four on that bridge?’

Copy and paste this into your url. It’s cute … no foul langugage … just a funny commediene.

http://www.stupidshiz.com/index.cfm?mode=media&media_id=D6775EC1-1372-527D-081BA608E8E858D4

Okay, yesterday I had to get really nasty with the adjuster at the other guy’s insurance company. Here it is, a week later, and I still did not have a rent car. They have the police report which plainly shows their policyholder was at fault. So what’s the hold up? Well … here’s how our conversation went:

“I’m wondering when I’m going to get a rent car. It’s been a week now and I have no transportation to get to and from work.”

“Well, ma’am, we still have to get a statement from our client as to what happened.”

“Why do you need a statement? You have the police report. That says everything you need to know.”

“Well, I don’t see the report here.”

“Then give me your fax number and I’ll fax it to you immediately.”

“Wait a minute … let me check.” (I get put on hold for about 10 minutes. She returns …) “Okay, I found it.”

“Good. So when can I pick up a car?”

“Well, I still need to contact the client and get his statement.”

“Oh, so what you’re saying is that you’d take your client’s word on what happened over what’s in the police report?”

“Uh, no … it’s just our policy. You know, you can go ahead and rent a car and then we’ll reimburse you when we have gathered all the information.”

“Well let me put it to you like this. Why should I have to rent a car and put it on MY credit card when YOUR client is the reason I don’t have a car in the first place? If your client had obeyed the law, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. So I’m asking you again … when can I pick up my car?”

“Um ….”

“Okay, listen close because I’m only going to say this once … Don’t force me to call in other people to speak on my behalf because I can have someone call you this afternoon. Now here’s what I want from your company. I want you to call your client as soon as we complete this conversation. Get his statement. Then call me back by the end of today and tell me that I can go pick up a rent car. I know that all you have to do is contact your superior and have him or her make the decision to give me a car. You have the police report and that’s all your company needs to make that decision. I’m not asking you to give me a check to buy a new car today. I only want a rental car. Oh, and by the way … I hope you’re recording this conversation because I want your boss to know exactly how upset I am. So, I’ll be expecting your call soon.”

And I hung up.

At 5:45 pm I got a call … picked up my rental car at 5:55 pm …

I guess it’s true that the squeaky wheel DOES get the grease …

Monday night was a scary night for our family. Mike and I received a phone call that every parent dreads. Erica and Daniel had been at karate class and she was taking Daniel home. About 9:45 my cell phone rang. It was Daniel telling me that he and Erica had been in an automobile accident. Fortunately it was only a few miles from the house so Mike and I raced down there as quick as possible.

When we saw my Mustang … the car she had been driving … we were surprised that she and Daniel had walked away with only minor injuries. But an ambulance still took them to the ER nearby to be checked out.

A guy ran a red light and Erica t-boned him which caused the Mustang to spin 360 degrees around and sideswipe another car in the adjoining lane. The Mustang was totaled. Here are a couple of pictures. It was nighttime so the pictures aren’t as vivid as they would have been had it been daylight still … but you can get the idea …

This is the front of the Mustang looking toward the driver’s side.

This view is looking toward the passenger’s side.

Anyway, not only has this been a traumatic experience for me and Mike, it has been extremely traumatic for Erica and Daniel. Last night, as I was loading dishes into the dishwasher, I was standing there thinking that had things gone differently, I wouldn’t be standing there doing what I was. I very well could have been at the funeral home making arrangements.

Forgive me, those of you who may be insulted by this, but it’s so cute I just couldn’t pass it up.

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As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP. (Sever Late-Age Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT(Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, an employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

THE MANAGEMENT