A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon seeing some cowboys, said, “Hey Maw, look at them thar men with them thar bowed laigs.”

She said that if he didn’t start speaking correct English, she was going to send him to a Shakespearean English school.

A little further along, they saw some more cowboys. “Hey maw! Look at them thar men with them thar bowed legs!” he said.

So, true to her word, she sent him off to a Shakespearean English school to learn correct English.

He came home several months later on vacation. As they walked together down the sidewalk, they saw some cowboys.

“Hark!” he said, “What manner of men are these who wear their legs in parentheses?”

The next time your husband makes you angry, don’t give in to fighting and feuding. Just wait until he goes to bed and super glue his flip flops to the floor. (See picture below):

This is about as truthful as it gets…think about it.

A chemistry professor in a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country’s government and install a new communist government. In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, ‘Do you know how to catch wild pigs?’

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. ‘You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America. The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms – just a little at a time.

One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government ‘help’ is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email, but God help you when the gate slams shut! In this ‘very important’ election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you. Just maybe you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America .

“A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have.” – Thomas Jefferson

I had a wonderful day yesterday to celebrate my birthday. I spent it with my sister. We went shopping in Bryan and then my brother-in-law grilled some “Special S**t” steaks for dinner. (Yes, that’s the name of the seasoning he used.) Anyway, yummy! My birthday has been a good one in spite of the fact that I had to turn a year older. In the past I have jokingly said that on my birthday I automatically become dyslexic so I can transpose my age and be younger (for example, when I turned 54 I said I was “45.”) Well, this year it didn’t work that way. I turned 56 so I’m NOT going to be dyslexic until I reach the age of 60! Then I will be a child once again … sigh …

It’s been awhile since I actually blogged here so I thought I’d take the time to do so. Life has been crazy these past weeks/months. I’m not sure it’s been a good kind of crazy, either, if there is such a thing.

First I had the issue of the car wreck to deal with. It wasn’t Erica’s fault but it still left me without a vehicle to drive. And of course there’s always the issue of dealing with insurance companies when something like that happens. Once the insurance stuff was settled to our satisfaction the process of picking out a new car began. I made a deal with Erica that I would give her the $$$ the insurance gave me for my wrecked car so she could buy herself a car (newer and reliable since she needed one). The deal? She would make the payments and buy the gas, dad and I would pay the insurance, and she would share the use of the car with me. So far, it’s working out fine.

Shortly after that was settled, Erica’s social life went downhill. Daniel, whom she thought was “the one,” broke up with her. Then he didn’t … then he did … then he didn’t … then he did. He strung her along keeping her on an emotional roller coaster. She finally told him not to contact her anymore. This decision was made after an excruciating couple of weeks where she barely touched her food and was sick everyday. She is currently moving on in her life, for which I’m thankful.

Of course, there’s also the college issue. She’s taking 13 hours this semester, which doesn’t sound like an awful lot, but when you’re working part-time it adds up. And especially when you’re taking things like chemistry … well, at least for her anyway.

Oh, and my son also found himself with a job during this time … unexpected, as that sort of thing usually is. But hopefully some of the dust has settled now and he will have another job before things get desperate.

Then there’s orienteering, which is really too much to go into other than to say with everything else going on in her life, the responsibilities she has accepted with this sport has almost overwhelmed her to the breaking point. She’s passionate about orienteering, as is everybody else in my immediate family … except me, of course. I have no desire to run through the woods with a map and compass. My idea of “roughing it” is having to stay at a Motel 6 … ewww ….

And of course, I can’t forget Hurricane Ike. Our part of the Texas coast sustained a lot of damage. While my house had very little damage, some of my friends at church lost everything they had. They still don’t have anyplace to live. And our church was damaged as well. We lost 2 walls of our gym, a whole section of our education building, water damage in the preschool hallway, and in the church office. Imagine working around all the dust and mold particles while we are in the midst of repairing everything.

So that’s my meanderings for now. Thanks for muddling through it all and letting me catch you up on my life.

Investment tips for 2008

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America, this might be some good advice.

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations later this year:

(1) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace

(2) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner, Cracker

(3) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood

(4) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa

(5) FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP

(6) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild

(7) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants

(8) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

I found a really fun website: www.yearbookyourself.com

If you go there you can upload a picture of yourself and see it transformed into a yearbook picture for any year from 1950 up to the year 2000. Just for kicks I did pictures for me and Erica for the year “1996.”

This is me …

This is Erica …

What do you think?