Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

“You know,” he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?”

The driver said, “No problem. Have at it.” Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily
caught the limo. He got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, “I know we are supposed to enforce the law … but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.”

The supervisor asked, “Is it the governor?” The young trooper said, “No, he’s more important than that.”

The supervisor said, “Oh, so it’s the president.” The young trooper said, “No, he’s even more important than that.”

The supervisor finally asked, “Well then, who is it?” The young trooper said, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”

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We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.
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This past Friday I had to have my cat, Jasmine, put down. She was 13 1/2 years old and had what basically amounts to leukemia. It was a difficult thing for me to do because I’d had her since she was a kitten. But at the same time, I couldn’t stand to see her suffering. So the decision was pretty much something that couldn’t be avoided. Anyway, here is a picture I took of her on Thursday night.

She was a great companion. I will miss her.

(Thank you to my sister for this funny!)

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - “What can you learn from this demonstration?”

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

That pretty much ended the service …

George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter:

GEORGE: Are you the owner?
PHARMACIST: Yes.
GEORGE: We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?
PHARMACIST: “Of course we do.”
GEORGE: “How about support hose for circulation?
PHARMACIST: Definitely.
GEORGE: What about medicine for rheumatism, osteoporosis and arthritis?
PHARMACIST: All kinds.
GEORGE: How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?
PHARMACIST: Yes sir.
GEORGE: Hearing aid & denture supplies and reading glasses?
PHARMACIST: Yes.
GEORGE: What about eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol and Ensure?
PHARMACIST: Absolutely.
GEORGE: You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?
PHARMACIST: All kinds and sizes. Why all of these questions?

George smiles and replies to the pharmacist, “We’d like to use your store as our Bridal registry.”

A few things on my mind right now …

(1) Last night was the Disney channel premier of the movie “High School Musical 2.” Erica, being the sweet teacher that she is, invited a few of her little girls from Kids Club over to watch it on the BIG screen. They ranged in age from 1st through 3rd grades … quite rowdy at times … but terribly “in love” with “Troy.” They kept waiting for he and “Gabriella” to kiss, which they finally did at the end of the movie. They ate pizza, chips, queso dip, puppy chow, and a cake that Erica lovingly prepared for them. Of course, I took a few pictures. If you want to take a look at them, click on (or copy and paste into your url) the following link:

http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=80899408

(2) Hurricane Dean is causing some concern around here. He’s already at a Category 4 as he’s coming near the Yucatan Penisula. If the “highs” that have been hovering over Texas continue to move AWAY from us like they’ve started to do, that opens it up for Dean to make landfall anywhere along the Texas Gulf coast if he so chooses. Several of the projected paths show it going in south of Brownsville (into Mexico) but a weather guy on one of the local channels here said last night that one of the projected paths shows Dean coming in at Galveston and that the information the NOA weather people used to calculate that “possibility,” was one that is more widely accepted than some of the others.

This really causes me some personal concern because ever since Hurricane Rita in 2005, Mike has been heavily involved in Emergency Operations for Harris County and the Houston area. Our new police station here in La Porte has an EOC (Emergency Operations Center) that is top of the line. That basically means if Hurricane Dean decides to come on land anywhere close to us, Mike will have to stay and work in the EOC. Now I don’t want to be in the house with just me, Erica, mother-in-law, and the 5 cats if Mike isn’t going to be here with us. If Dean downgrades to a Category 2 or 3, I don’t have a problem staying alone. BUT … if he stays at a Cat 4 or even (heaven forbid!) goes to a Cat 5, I’m outta here!

So my next decision, if I should have to evacuate or if they make it mandatory for LP is this: Do I go to Longview, or Giddings? Longview is farther away (4 hours) and would afford me a little more protection. But Giddings is only 2 hours away and would be easier to get to. However, the remnants of Dean … should he come ashore near Galveston … would still pack a pretty powerful punch even as far away as Giddings. And … can I convince Mike to let me and the entourage take the Expedition if I evacutate (so there will be room for everybody!)? It’s new and I know it would definitely be road worthy. We have an old Suburban that he could keep here at the EOC with him … not that he’s going to be out driving anywhere anyway, right?!

(3) On a lighter note … I’ve completely weaned off my anti-depressant. Yay me! I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance that caused my depression about 12 years ago. I was also fortunate that the first anti-depressant my doctor put me on worked perfectly. I tried weaning off with my doctor’s supervision a couple of years ago. Couldn’t do it. But this time I prayed that God would heal me of the chemical imbalance, and He has! It was interesting how God confirmed that I was supposed to stop taking the med. The next day, after I prayed about it, I had a doctor appointment for an eye infection. While I was at the doctor’s office, he asked me (out of the blue, no less) if I would like to try weaning off the med again. Since he (the doctor) had no idea I had even been praying for healing, I found it interesting that he brought up the subject at all. So of course, I said yes. And he gave me samples of the med as I “stepped down” the dosage so I didn’t have to pay for getting prescriptions filled. What normally would take about 6 to 8 weeks to accomplish, was done in about 4 1/2 weeks. And with no side effects either! Because believe me, weaning off Effexor XR is NOT easy or fun. It has horriffic (spelling?) side effects when you start stepping down on the dosage. So while some may say the doctor asking me about getting off the med was just a “coincidence,” let me remind you that COINCIDENCE IS WHEN GOD DECIDES TO PERFORM A MIRACLE, AND REMAIN ANONYMOUS.

(4) Well, I guess that’s about all that’s on my mind for now … I’ll keep you updated on Hurricane Dean and what he’s doing … meanwhile, watch the weather channel.

. . . she made landfall around Corpus Christi this morning which is several hours south of us . . . but we had a lot of rain anyway and there’s more to come . . . here are some pictures I took this afternoon:

Drainage ditch on Fairmont Parkway . . .

East Boulevard at Fairmont Parkway . . .

McDonald’s - Fairmont Parkway and 8th Street (Near the Post Office)

Postal Truck stranded . . .

Rain, rain … go away … PLEASE!!

I got this from my friend, Jennifer. It was too cute not to post:

++++++++++

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “Th is is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.”

“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

“My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirs ty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

“Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another “Middle Wife” comes along.

A Crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.”

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. ”

“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

This morning Mike was working in the backyard when he fell and goughed the palm of his left hand on a disassembled ham radio tower … 3 stitches inside and 9 on the outside. Ouch!

UPDATE:
Here’s a picture I took today (Sunday) when we changed the bandage. Wish I had taken one in the ER yesterday so I could compare before and after …

What does D.A.M. stand for?

Mothers Against Dyslexia

Issued at: 2:56 PM CDT 8/7/07, expires at: 5:00 AM CDT 8/8/07

Heat advisory now in effect until 7 pm cdt Wednesday

The heat advisory is now in effect until 7 pm cdt Wednesday.

Greater than normal relative humidities will lead to a stretch of afternoons with heat indices of 105 to 109 degrees for the next several days. Heat indices will reach around 100 degrees by noon, and peak between 2 and 5 pm. Heat index values near 100 degrees may persist as late as 7 pm. Overnight low temperatures will only drop to between 75 and 80 degrees.
If possible, seek shelter from the afternoon heat in air conditioned areas. Direct exposure to sunlight can increase the heat index by another 15 degrees. If you plan to be outside, avoid prolonged exposure or strenuous physical activity. Your body can lose up to a gallon of water an hour through perspiration. Drink plenty of fluids to avoid dehydration. Alcoholic and caffeinated beverages can increase the rate of water loss in your body, increasing the risk of heat exhaustion or stroke. Wear lightweight, light- colored, loose-fitting clothing. Wear a hat to shield yourself from the sun. Always use a sunscreen to reduce possible sunburn. If children will be outdoors playing or practicing sports make sure they stay hydrated and keep a sharp eye for signs of heat exhaustion.
Pets can also succumb to the effects of excessive heat. Insure pets have adequate drinking water and a shady place to rest. Do not keep pets in cars with windows rolled up, even partially. Temperatures inside a car with the windows up can reach over 150 degrees quickly, resulting in heat stroke and death.
A heat advisory is issued when a heat index of 108 degrees or higher is expected in the advisory area. The heat index is a measure of how hot it feels when the effects of humidity are combined with the temperature. A heat index of 105 degrees is considered the level where many people begin to experience extreme discomfort or physical stress.

FROM CLICK2HOUSTON:

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.

“Just watch me and follow my lead,” he said.

He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, “I’m sorry but I can’t let you in here.”

The guy looked at the bartender and asked, “Why not?”

The bartender replied, “Well, we don’t allow dogs into the bar.”

“But this is my seeing eye dog,” the guy said.

“Oh, I’m sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.”

The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can’t let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.

“But this is my seeing eye dog,” said the second guy.

The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, “Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?”

The man looked a little puzzled and then said, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?”

Most of America’s population think its improper to spank children, so I tried other methods to control my kids when they had one of “those moments.”

One that I found effective is to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. It also works on Grandchildren.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.