… we had our ROTC Booster Club meeting tonight. We’re having a garage sale Saturday to raise money. Anyway, Mike and I got there a little early. Joe (Sgt.) was there and we got to talk to him for a short while. He talked to all the Seniors today about what went on earlier this week … with them being relieved of their duties. According to what Major told him about it, he didn’t intend it to come across like it did to the kids. He said his intention was to ease some of the stress they were feeling with planning for prom, graduation, college and all that. That’s what Major told Joe. But one thing anyone who knows Major will agree with me on is the fact that his communication skills aren’t the best. So maybe … just maybe … he didn’t come off saying it the way he wanted to. I guess I’ll never know for sure because I wasn’t there. I’m only going by what Erica felt.

So … I did some thinking about this whole situation during dinner. After the booster club meeting was over, I wrote a short note to Major, put it in an envelope, and taped it to his office door. (He wasn’t there obviously). Basically I told him I wanted to clear the air between us, especially since Mike, Chase and Erica will still continue to orienteer. The chances of mine and his paths crossing from time to time is possible. I told him I felt we would probably never agree on things. Our personalities are too different. But we can agree to disagree. And I told him I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable and I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable whenever we DO meet up by accident. So I did what my conscience told me to do. I know he will never like me and the feeling is mutual … but I can set aside differences and be civil when I have to be around him. I’m hoping he will take my note in the spirit it was intended.

Yep, that’s me. The rotten apple. The black sheep. Yadda yadda yadda. Ask me if I care. I posted on a Xanga site that the Major is on my poo-poo list. Oooo … must’ve hit a nerve or two. Several people who are up his hiney apparently took offense at my opinion. Gee, but I’m a bit confused here … they’re allowed to have an opinion but I’m not?? Oh, I get it now … my opinion is okay as long as its the same as theirs. Now I understand.

Sorry for the sarcasm, folks … it’s just my way of venting.

I am SO in turmoil over all this stuff going on at ROTC. Major is being unfair to the seniors. Actually, he’s acting like a sulky little child in my opinion, and since this is my website, I can say that. So there. Ha! This is going to be a long post, so sit back and have a cup of coffee while you read it.

Erica was up early and went to staff meeting this morning (6:15 am) as usual. But Major pretty much blew her and the other seniors off. He has already told his “new” officers for next year that they are to assume their responsibilities now. BUT he still wants the old officers to be at the Awards Ceremony to “pass the chain of command” along. Like that’s gonna happen! Erica has decided she’s not going to the ceremony. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t either.

Major has been on my poo-poo list for a couple of years now. Mike and I have known him since Chase started in ROTC. That was about 9 years ago. I used to be intimidated by him, but not anymore. He first made me mad when Chase was a junior. He was trying to decide who the Battalion Commander (BC) would be for the next year. It was between Chase and a girl, whose mom happens to be a friend of mine. At that time, Chase didn’t weigh anywhere near what he does now but Major is fixated on outside looks apparently. He told Chase that if he would lose 20 pounds, he’d make him the BC. He said “first impressions” are very important. He wanted his BC to “look good” in uniform. Well, Chase looked very good in his dress blues but there again, Major is fixated on the outside looks. Chase didn’t really care one way or the other whether he got the position or not. Those who know my son, know that one thing you don’t do is tell him he HAS to do something. He was born that way. Very strong-willed and independent. Very mature. Extremely smart. It was always a challenge to me as a mother, to get him to do what I wanted him to do because of his strong will streak.

But I’m chasing rabbits again … what Major failed to consider in his decision was that Chase had a good reputation among the other cadets as well as teachers and school administrators. His name was known throughout the district but not for bad reasons. He always made a good first impression. His leadership skills were excellent. But Major ended up naming the girl as his BC. She was thin and looked good in the uniform. Then half-way through the school year, at mid term, he decided to change the command and make Chase the BC. The reason? Just suffice it to say that it was Major’s decision to change.

I remember the first time I ever went on a weekend trip with the orienteering team as a chaperone. I’d been on a lot of trips with church youth groups so I pretty much knew the rules. But Major loves to hear himself talk so he met with all the adults that were going on the trip and gave us our instructions when it came to the kids. He made a comment similar to “I know some of you (he looked at me when he said this) have been with church youth groups, but these rules are different. We’re a little more lenient than church groups.” So I raised my hand and asked him “More lenient? Does that mean the kids can take drugs with them?” No, he says. “Does that mean they get to drink alcohol on the trip?” No, he says. “Are they allowed to have sex?” No, he says. (By this time he realizes he’s trapped … I said he’s a jerk, not stupid.) Anyway, he got the point.

Then there was the time he made an inappropriate comment to Erica. She’d been orienteering on the junior high team a couple of years by then. Because Mike and I were part of the ROTC Support Battalion, we always went to the annual Military Ball. So Erica’s 8th grade year, she went even though she wasn’t officially in ROTC. So her freshman year as a member of the junior varsity orienteering team, he was griping at the kids because he felt they weren’t staying in shape like they should in order to keep their competitive edge. In front of the other team members, as he was griping them out, he said to Erica: “… and Erica, I bet you’ve gained weight and can’t even fit into the dress you wore to Military Ball last year, can you?” Well I don’t have to tell you that she was devastated by that comment. First of all, she wasn’t the least bit overweight. So she came home that evening and cried. When she told me what he’d said, I wanted to go pinch his head off but I restrained myself. I’m glad I did because a couple of weeks later, the perfect opportunity came up for me to have a few words with him.

I pulled him off to the side and told him I wanted to chat with him over a comment he’d made to Erica. He knew exactly what I was referring to. Basically I told him that he could tell his team to stay in shape as much as he wanted to but when he got to the point where he took it to a personal level with my daughter, I was drawing the line. I told him a careless remark like the one he made could push a teenage girl into anorexia because they base their self-worth as an individual on how they think they look. He apologized to me but I told him he owed Erica an apology and since he’d made the comment publicly, I felt he should apologize publicly. I think that’s when he realized I was someone he wasn’t going to intimidate.

Then last year he was trying to decide who his BC would be this year. He basically pitted Erica and her good friend Sara against each other. Erica and Sara have been friends since elementary school. But Major almost ended up causing a rift between them that would have destroyed their friendship. I called him on the carpet about that one, too.

Then earlier this year he tried telling the kids on the orienteering team that they couldn’t go to Homecoming. You see, this was the first year in a long time that there was no major orienteering meet scheduled the weekend of the Homecoming game. So the kids were excited! They all made plans to go to the game and dance. But then Major found out that there was a small, inconsequential meet being held that same weekend, and he thought they should go to that instead of the game and dance. His reasoning was that they needed to stay in shape for nationals. He told them that if they chose to attend the Homecoming game instead of going on the orienteering trip, he was going to kick them off the team.

Well … that REALLY made me mad and I sent off an angry email to him. I told him he could kick Erica off the team if he wanted to. I told him she didn’t need him to compete and orienteer anyway because she was already a member of 3 different orienteering clubs. I told him he needed to remember that these were kids … it wasn’t the real Army. Plus, during this time his attitude had changed. He began to tell the kids that he really didn’t care if they succeeded or not. He called them lazy, blah blah, blah. I told him in the email that if he continued telling the kids they were worthless, that’s exactly what they’d be for him. The saying goes: As the leader is, so will the team be. He was really upset with me over that email and some of the parents were upset with me for sending it. But you know what? I really didn’t care then and don’t care now.

See? I told you this would be a long post. You didn’t believe me, did you? And these are only a few examples of things I could tell you. There isn’t enough room to tell you everything.

My sister just posted results from her job interview last night. You can read it below this one.

For all of you that remembered to pray for me during the job interview I appreciate your prayers. I think the interview went good. They asked a lot of questions and seemed pleased with my answers. Thanks bunches!

I’ve been sitting here thinking about things … dangerous for me to do, ya know, because my mind wanders sometimes and it doesn’t always come back right away. Heh heh heh. Anyway, I think I’m going to take a low profile for awhile. I’ve poked my nose in places where I probably shouldn’t have. And I probably did some major damage to some friendships. So I guess I’m going to just sit back and chill and see if I have any friends left when the dust settles.

At an emergency School Board meeting tonight, the trustees voted unanimously to TERMINATE the Superintendent’s employment effective immediately. This is wonderful news for our school district! I think their decision was due to a couple of things. First and foremost, she’s been “absent” from work for going on 30 days straight with no contact with any school district personnel. And second, a petition was circulated asking for her resignation …. it had 1,189 signatures on it.

I think those school board trustees whose positions are up for re-election in May want to keep their jobs!

There’s more to the story … not only has Major relieved the seniors of their positions now he’s asking them to assume those responsibilities ONE MORE TIME in May at the Awards Ceremony … so he won’t look bad. Huh! Erica is thinking about not even going to the Awards Ceremony … let him explain to everybody why his top, right hand “man” isn’t there.

This is my whine bar so I can post whatever I want … and I’m gonna …

Erica came home from school awhile ago and said Major fired all his senior officers this afternoon. What a jerk! He told them they were lazy and had not been doing their jobs. Can you believe that!? I can’t speak for the others, but Erica has worked her butt off for that man since she was in Junior High school! I think in his old age he’s losing some of his memory. To make matters worse, he left his senior officers out of the loop when he made the decision about next year’s officers. Traditionally, and up until now, he’s always asked for input from his current officers. They found out from other people.

And all this drama stuff going on between Melissa and the girls … well, I’m about ready to scream. I don’t see how Melissa can say Erica has her head up somebody’s butt when Melissa’s is so far up Major’s butt, I’m surprised you don’t see her teeth when he opens his mouth!

I will be SO happy when school is over!

It’s been a nice morning. Mike is out of the office (which happens to be in the house). Beth has gone to the Senior Center for bingo and other things the oldsters play. Mike will be back about noon. Beth will be back about 1:00 o’clock. Ahhhh! Peace and quiet …. shhhhh …. don’t wake me up …. I’m sleeping …..

Yipeee! My sister, Glenda, just posted something on my whine bar. Look at the entry below this one. Everyone pray for her Tuesday evening at 7 pm. She really needs a job.

I’m glad you finally got it to work, sis!

Here I go again, trying to post something on the whine bar. Tomorrow evening I have an interview for a part time job I really want to have. If you are reading this please say a prayer for me around 7pm. Glenda

You just won’t believe all the drama going on in my daughter’s life right now and every bit of it revolves around relationships and friendships in ROTC. “The Young and the Restless” has nothing on those girls! Let me tell you! Ha! It started when Melissa got her feelings hurt over Spring Break because she wasn’t included in activities with the rest of the girls. Then she posted her feelings on her Xanga site and that started the snowball rolling down the side of the mountain at break neck speed.

Of course, I guess I didn’t help matters when I jumped in and posted my opinion on what Melissa said about Erica … probably wasn’t such a good idea but it seemed right at the time. (Momma Bear’s claws came out.) Then Kristin and Sara both posted in Melissa’s Xanga in answer to some of the things she said about them. So now everybody’s feelings are ruffled and it just keeps growing.

I may have even dome some serious damage to a friendship of my own by posting my opinion … Melissa’s mom.

My daughter has a blog on xanga.com where she writes nearly every day. Now I know her spelling and grammar is horrible, and she doesn’t capitalize anything (none of the kids do these days), but the gist of what she posted today really touched my heart. She’s talking about a close friend of mine whom the doctors told was seriously ill and might even die from the illness. At a healing service at our church a few weeks ago, I “stood in” for this friend and prayed that God would do a healing. I believe God did because the tests my friend took came back showing nothing at all like the doctor’s expected. Here’s what Erica posted today in her xanga:

… so today at church was good right but i just want everyone to know how awesome God is. for real like my mom stood in a couple of weeks ago for a women i know close to be healed. and she had some tests that were suppose to let her know that she did have what she has but they all came out that she didnt have it anymore and even though she may not believe that it was a God thing I do believe that it was God working in her life and i hope and pray that one day she will realize what God did for her and how he saved her from a painful life she could have had …

I’ve been worried about Erica’s spiritual condition. I know she accepted Christ as her Savior when she was young and was baptized then. But the past few years, she hasn’t shown much of a desire to do many church things. A lot of that is because she’s been so involved in sports but a lot of it has to do with mine and Mike’s attitude toward spiritual things as well. But when I read what she posted today … about what an awesome God we have … I was blessed.

“Search for the Lord and for His strength, and keep on searching.” II Chronicles 16:11

Happy Easter to all my true friends!

True friends always pop up to say “hello”

True friends don’t care if you’re a little different

True friends never fight like cats and dogs

True friends will drive you anywhere!

True friends don’t laugh at you when you get new glasses

True friends help you when you’re down

And true friends never let you do something you’ll regret when
wake up the next morning!

Today is a better day emotionally. I cocooned most of the evening and had a decent night’s rest. I prayed and asked God to take away the dark thoughts I was having. He did because I was up early … 6:30. The yard needed mowing and Mike is out of town until this evening. So about 7:30 I edged and mowed the front yard. Then I mowed the back yard. Beth swept up the grass off the driveway since we don’t have a blower. When Erica and Kristin woke up, they bagged up the grass that Beth had swept into a pile.

Change of subject here … strange thing happened yesterday when I got so upset. After Mike left, I went into Erica’s room to use the computer (and post yesterday’s info). I guess Beth was worried about me … wonders never cease … so she came in Erica’s room and reassured me that everything would be okay. She even put her arms around me and hugged me! I didn’t quite know what to do. Then this morning she told me that she worried about me all evening. I guess she was afraid I’d do something to myself. I thanked her for her concern and apologized because she had been upset and worried. I told her that I’m fine today.

Now …. I’m physically exhausted from working in the yard. It literally drained me of any energy I might have had. I think I’m going to take a nap.

(That’s “D” for depression … in case you didn’t know …)

So my question is why do people that love us make life so hard for us sometimes? I can’t understand that. You’d think that the ones who love you would do everything they could to protect your emotional health. Okay … so I have a problem with clinical depression. I take medication for it. But there is no magic pill out there. My psyche is fragile in spite of taking medicine.

I know I haven’t had a “real” job since this time last year when I was fired from my job. I know I’m only working part-time now. I know Mike has had to assume a lot of financial burden without me working. But I try to help, too! I tried really hard to find a job that was full time and permanent. But I couldn’t find anyone to hire me. And I don’t spend time and money at the mall. I don’t ask for us to eat out. I try to be as frugal as possible when I buy groceries. I’m doing as much as I can right now.

But does he think I’m so insensitive that I don’t know how much he sacrifices for his family? Apparently he must think I don’t “get it” because he made a point to bring to my attention earlier today how much we pay in car insurance. Between my Mustang, Erica’s car and Chase’s van, we pay $500/month. Well you know, that’s just life. Maybe we just need to live like the Amish and drive wagons pulled by horses. I know he didn’t intend for his comment to pierce me like it did … but it pierced me anyway and only added to my feelings of inadequacy.

I know and understand that he feels a tremendous amount of stress over all this. But he’s not the only one. I’m dealing with a range of feelings … about not having a job … about not being able to contribute financially … about having his mother living with us … oh well, I guess that’s just life. But you know something? Right now I don’t feel like my life is worth anything … So I’m going to sequester myself in my bedroom and sleep … I will cocoon myself. Maybe when I come out of the cocoon I’ll be a beautiful butterfly again and feel free.

Well I couldn’t wait until another day to finish my story, so I’m here again. I thought you might enjoy hearing some of the amusing things she said and did while in rehab. I don’t mean to be making fun of her, okay? But sometimes when you’re going through a rough time, you have to look for the silver lining in the cloud. If you don’t find something amusing to divert your attention, you might find yourself sharing a room with someone at the mental hospital.

You have to understand first, that Mike and I drove to about 60 miles to see her in the hospital every night after work for 3 weeks straight. From our house that’s an hour’s drive if it’s not rush hour time … just so you get an idea of how far we traveled.

Okay then … when she fractured her knee caps the doctors put removable casts on her legs … I don’t know exactly what to call them but they have those velcro straps that wrap around the leg, okay? Anyway, as we were getting ready to leave after visiting one evening, she turned back the covers on her bed, patted her cast on her leg, and said to me: “Honey, why don’t you take this ham home with you when you go? It’ll spoil if it stays here.” (No, I’m not lying! I swear she said it!) I just told her no thanks. Then another time she looked at Mike’s boots and thought they were her dog, Ranger. She was whistling for him and making those silly noises we all make for our pets. One time she also thought the hospital hallway was her carport/patio at her house. She was extremely upset because there were so many people out on her “patio.” She said they were loud and disruptive and she wished they’d leave. She used a few racial slurs … which I will NOT repeat here.

Then when she was transferred from the hospital to a nursing home for rehabilitation, it REALLY got interesting. She was still in a wheelchair at that time. They were having to teach her how to walk again and dress herself, etc. Anyway, what made the visits so interesting was that we never knew what DECADE we’d be in when we visited her. Once it was the middle 1950’s when we visited her. She sat in her wheelchair in the lobby and when I asked her how she was feeling, she told us she was very tired from the long flight to France. The funny thing is that Mike and his parents actually did live in France for awhile when he was in elementary school so I guess she was remembering that time. Of course, we just played along. I mean, what else could you do, right? No sense in arguing with her because she didn’t have her mind at the time. (Hey! I promise you I’m telling a true story here!)

So … those are just a few of the amusing things she said during those trying times. And those of you who know me wonder why I’m so dingy??? Just look what I’ve had to go through! Ha!

Okay, I promised more info about my relationship with my mother-in-law … let’s just call her Beth from now on, since that’s her name. (Brilliant idea, don’t you think?)

I mentioned that she had been in rehab for alcoholism. Well actually she’s been through it twice. It’s sad, really. I think she’s been a steady drinker most of her adult life … and she’s 80 years old now. That’s what ruined her brain cells. Not so much WHAT she drank but that she drank consistently for probably 50 years. So let that be a lesson to you all out there!!

The one thing I really get upset about is that she’s always ragging on Mike (her son … my husband). I honestly don’t know if she’s ever really loved him like a mother should love a child. Sometimes I think she’s only tolerated him all these years. That makes me extremely sad because Mike is my soul mate. Yes, he’s a stubborn German. Yes, he’s opinionated and not afraid to express his opinion. Yes, after almost 27 years of marriage we still manage to irritate each other frequently. BUT, I love him with all my heart! He’s a wonderful person. So why doesn’t she love him? Beats me. I have no idea. But one thing I do know is that she’s always trying to make me side with her against him. Not gonna happen.

But I digress so back to the alcohol part … she used to drink beer. I think that was her drink of choice most of her life so don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t become an alcoholic on beer, because you can. Anyway, she’d put it in a glass with ice and tell everyone it was iced tea. (Have to admit, for tea it looked a little on the weak side.) But of course you could smell that it was beer. If you called her hand on it, she’d swear it was tea.

Then after Mike’s sister Mary was killed in a truck / train accident, Beth switched from beer to whiskey. (You all think I’m making this up, don’t you?) Her best friend was either Jack Daniel’s or Jim Beam. Actually I can’t remember which one she spent the most time with. All I know is that she was killing a gallon bottle of the whiskey about every 2-3 days. She went into rehab and we weren’t sure she’d leave the hospital alive. I wish we’d taken pictures of her or video’d her when she was in the hospital so she could see awful she looked. But we didn’t. When she came out of rehab she stayed “dry” for about a year. Then she slipped into the disease again.

This time her drink of choice was vodka … colorless and virtually odorless. That way she could still put it in a glass with ice and she could better convince others that it was Sprite or something like that. Again, she consumed mass quantities. She fell in her house, fractured both knee caps and fractured some of her ribs. When she fell, she hit a piece of furniture and one entire side of her face was black with the biggest bruise I’ve ever seen in my entire life! (Judging by the way she looked, I would have thought she’d gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson … but she still had both her ears.) This time when she got out of rehab, we moved her into a retirement, assisted living type of place. That’s where she’s been until last June when we moved her in with us.

See? I could really write a novel about things that have happened to me during my life … of course, I’d have to change the names to protect the guilty.