When I was 4 years old I met Betty Kathryn James … I called her Kathy. She lived in the house behind mine and before long we became best friends. We found out that we were both born on the same day, the same year. As kids we used to argue who was the “oldest” which turned out to be me since I was born just after midnight and she was born a few hours later.

(Kathy on left, me on right)

Throughout the years we grew closer. When my parents bought a house and we moved 10 miles away, it might as well have been 10,000 miles as far as we were concerned. So on weekends we would take turns … staying at Kathy’s house one weekend and my house the next. Then about 6 months after my parents bought their house, a house down the street from us went up “For Sale.” My parents called her parents and long story short … they bought the house. So we were neighbors once again.

All through elementary, junior high and high school we were as close if not closer, than sisters. When we graduated from high school, I married my first husband. Kathy warned me against marrying him, as did my parents and other friends. I should have listened to them. Six years later, I divorced him after many years of physical abuse. All during the time I was married to him, however, Kathy was my strongest supporter. Then when I met Papa_U, Kathy was so happy for me! You see, he had also gone through junior high and high school with us. She was my maid of honor when Papa_U and I married. The years passed and she never married. She fell in love with a man when she was in her middle 20’s but he was married. She never really got over that heartbreak, I don’t think.

Two days before Chase was born, I got a call from one of Kathy’s neighbors. She was in the emergency room at St. Luke’s Hospital in Houston. When I showed up at the ER, 9 months pregnant, the nurses tried to put me in a wheelchair! They thought I was in labor! But I explained why I was there and eventually they left me alone. The doctors were puzzled. Nobody knew what was wrong with Kathy. But it turns out that she had a benign brain tumor and once they did surgery, she was back to her normal self. Then a year later the tumor was back. This time, malignant. The doctors did surgery but the tumor was so deep into her brain they couldn’t get all of it. She took chemo and radiation. The doctors told her she had about 9 months to live. Sometimes doctors don’t know everything. She lived another 20 years!

I think about her alot some days. I remember promising her when Mike and I married that if I ever had a girl, I’d name her Kathryn …. and I did just that. Kathryn is Erica’s middle name. I remember the times as adults that we shared birthdays together. On our 40th birthday, we split the year and the cake said “Happy 20th birthday, Sara” and “Happy 20th birthday, Kathy.” And she never failed to remind me that I was a few hours older than her. She’d write in my card: “…and remember, YOU’RE the oldest …”

She died at the age of 50 … 2 years ago … before we could share another cake and each be only 25 years old! Having a friend, a true friend like Kathy, is a once in a lifetime experience I think. Yes, I have a couple of close friends now … but nobody like Kathy.

So if you have someone in your life now that is your “Kathy,” take a moment and tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you … and don’t forget to thank God for sending that person into your life.

I think Erica has finally decided what she wants to do when she graduates. Her friend Kristin got a full ride scholarship to University of Texas at Arlington to study nursing. Her friend Alisha already lives in Arlington (with her parents) and attends Tarrant County Community College there. So Kristin and Erica are going to move to Arlington and live with Alisha. Her parents have already said that’s fine. Kristin will do her nursing school and Erica and Alisha will attend Tarrant County and work part time. From all our years of orienteering, we (Mike, Erica and myself) know a TON of people who live in that vicinity. All of the adults have told us that they will “be there” if Erica needs anything. So we feel comfortable with her decision. Besides, the first year they will live with Alisha’s parents. Then hopefully next year they will get an apartment to share. Eventually Erica and Alisha will go to Sam Houston State University.

And on another subject … Andrew may not be totally out of the picture for the moment after all. Erica has been spending a lot of time with him. Of course, she uses the excuse that Clint, Jimbo, JG and Andrew want her to hang out with them … but I think that’s a good excuse to spend time with Andrew. At any rate, she will soon be meeting college boys and watch out! Once she gets a look at those guys she’ll forget all about these little high school boys!

These are women who probably will NOT want to hyphenate their last name when they get married:

But the best one of all is . . .

Military Ball 2005

Erica, Alisha and Kristin … The Three Musketeers

(Standing) Sara, Courtney, Alisha, Kelsey, Erica
(Seated) Kristin, Melissa

Erica and Victor

Family … me, Erica and Mike

And my favorite of all …

Well, forget about Andrew being Erica’s next boyfriend. I found out this evening that she and Victor are back together. I’m disappointed but I can’t do anything about it. Don’t get me wrong … Mike and I like the kid okay. But we don’t like the WAY he treats Erica. He keeps her on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve talked about it in previous posts here so I’m not going to revisit that again. I’m bummed out.

All I can hope for is that when we move, things will settle down. This weekend Erica and Kristin and Alisha were talking about living together in Arlington while they go to school. Alisha already attends a Community College in the area and Kristin … smart girl that she is! … got a full ride scholarship to study Nursing from University of Texas. (Go Kristin!!) She plans to attend UT’s Arlington campus. Erica could go to school where Alisha does. They could all share an apartment. And through orienteering all these years, we know LOTS of people who live in that area … lots of other moms and dads who have said they’d be close by if the girls needed anything.

I’ve been trying to encourage Erica all along to “go away” to college so she can experience college life. She’s been saying she wants to stay home. But now … maybe she’s thinking about changing her mind.

Anyway … I’m still bummed out. BTW … the formal Military Ball Pictures came today. Once we can scan and download them, I’ll post them.

This is the only picture I could find of Andrew … and it’s black and white. Will he be Erica’s next boyfriend? Stay tuned to find out.

Does Erica have a new boyfriend? I think she might be headed that way. That would be good because it would mean she’s worked out her heartbreak over Victor. The new fella’s name is Andrew. He’s 16, almost 17. She’s 17, almost 18. He’s a cowboy, too which is really weird because that’s usually not the type Erica goes for. But then again, she DOES listen to country music … anyway, he thinks Erica is the most beautiful girl in the whole world and he’s just in awe because she’s interested in him. So, stay tuned for more updates as time progresses.

Sunday was my sister’s birthday. We had a party for her at Vadie’s Longhorn Bar in Giddings. One of her friends is a funny, sweet lady named Rita. She’s originally from Germany but has lived here a long time. (She’s widowed now). She’s from a place in Germany called Altenbuch Unterfrangen Hanau Germany … as if I could pronouce it! Anyway, I had my sister take a picture of me and Rita Sunday night because I also have a friend from Germany … Birgit. I thought it might be nice for them to exchange emails since they’re both originally from there. Anyway, here’s a picture of me and Rita:

Military Ball was Saturday night and it was the best one I think we’ve ever had. We reserved a ballroom at Brady’s Landing and not only did we have more room (and a 40′ x 40′ dance floor!) but the food was excellent! Previously we’ve always held it at the Nassau Hilton … that’s the Hilton where the lady ran over her husband with her Mercedes a few years ago … but we really outgrew the room. So this was a new year for us and it was great. Here are a few pictures:

This one is my Erica …

And this one, too …

These are Erica’s friends. The photographer was giving them instructions on how he wanted them to stand for their picture.

And finally … me, Mike and Terri (Norris) …

Maybe you remember reading one of my posts back in October when I talked about meeting an elderly gentleman named Alfred. I was in Giddings visiting my sister and we went to a birthday party for her friend, Jesse, who turned 82. Well, Alfred is Jesse’s boyfriend. Anyway, he was so charming and sweet and I wrote the following about him in my post:

… Then Alfred tells me about his uncle who used to eat chicken noodle soup with his fingers ? well actually he picked the chicken out with his fingers and then drank the noodles and soup right out of the bowl …

He kept me entertained most of the evening. Well yesterday was my sister’s birthday and I went back to Giddings for her birthday party. We had it at a local “pub” and she had about 28 people there … Alfred was one of them. So this time I got my sister to take a picture of me and Alfred. Here’s that picture … (I think the flash was too bright because his eyes are shut, but he has a little smile on his face):

We are getting ready to leave for the Military Ball. Erica looks beautiful! Alisha came down from Ft. Worth yesterday. She’s going also. Clint will be her date for the evening. I took both girls to have their hair fixed today. This is the first year Erica has worn her hair down and not totally up. The sides are up but the rest of it is down. Her tiara, from being crowned Queen at last year’s Military Ball, looks pretty with her hairdo. We took it with us when we had her hair done today. The ball will be over at 1 o’clock in the morning. I’ll update you tomorrow and maybe even have some pictures to show you.

Please pray for my friend, Susan. Their family dog, Lilly Belle, died the other day. Belle was old, yes, but the death came quickly in spite of vet visits. Susan also lost her sister not too long ago so she is still grieving over that loss. Now she has this loss to deal with.

Billy Graham’s daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

In light of recent events…terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he’s talking about. And we said OK.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with “WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.”

“Jackstands? Hah! Who needs ‘em?”

Necessity is the mother of invention…but sometimes Necessity should use birth control!

“And to think… those wimps at the power company use straps and cleats to get up this high!”

I’m sure this guy still wonders why he got fired that day.

“Gee, guys… that seems like an awful lot of protective gear for such a small chlorine gas leak…”

Step 1: Remove shoes. Step 2: Place metal ladder in water. Step 3: Begin using power tools while standing barefoot on metal ladder in water.

And the winner is… How drunk do you have to be before this starts looking like a good idea?

I was shocked, confused and bewildered as I entered Heaven’s door,
not by the beauty of it all, not by the lights or decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp–
the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.
Uncle Bill, who I always thought as rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine. looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, “What’s the deal? I would love to hear Your take.
How’d all these sinners get up here? God must’ve made a mistake.
And why’s everyone so quiet, so somber?
Give me a clue.”
“Hush, child,” said He. “They’re all in shock .
No one thought they’d see you.”

(Courtesy of Susie Mac)

I don’t know if Erica ever reads my “Whine Bar” or not but I just have to talk about this thing one, more time.

So Erica … if you read this and get upset with me … well too bad, because it’s time you woke up and smelled the roses. And Victor, if you happen to come across this post, you’d do well to read what I have to say, too.

Okay, here goes … I feel that Victor is still manipulating Erica’s emotions. I realize that she has to share part of the blame because she allows him to do so. I’ve been honest with Erica ever since she was old enough to ask questions and told her about my first marriage. Paul was an abuser … physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’ve cautioned her about the warning signs to look for because I don’t want to see her get into a relationship like that. So what does she do? Along comes Victor and the warning signs go out the window!

True … or at least to the best of my knowledge … he doesn’t HIT her. If he has or does and I ever find out … well … nevermind. Just put it like this … if there’s anything left after I get through with him, Terri and Battmom will have what’s left! Mike and Chase won’t even have a chance because we mommas will take care of the problem, right girls? ANYWAY … while Victor isn’t physically abusive, he is emotionally abusive to her. I think I’ve figured out why, too.

For starters, Victor’s mom is a really nice lady but she rules the roost in that family. Victor and his brothers are at her beck and call and she basically controls what they do or don’t do. So Victor feels he doesn’t have any control over anything at home. Therefore, when he’s in an environment that he CAN control, he does so. Here’s where Erica comes in. He knows she’s in love with him. He knows she’s a beautiful girl. (Not bragging, just fact). He knows he’ll be damn lucky if he EVER gets anybody like her again. So he plays it to full tilt. He dangles the candy in front of her close enough for her to want it but too far for her to ever get it. He plays with her emotions. Sometimes he’s sweet. Sometimes he’s rude. Sometimes he ignores her. Sometimes he acts like he can’t live without her. No wonder she’s confused! This is the first boy that Erica has truly loved. I believe that. But he doesn’t feel the same depth of love for her that she does for him … if he feels anything at all, which at this point in time, I doubt.

Tonight they got back from an orienteering meet. Victor and Iggy came home with Erica. Erica informed me that Victor, her, Iggy and Kelsey were planning to go to the movies tonight. I squashed that idea because frankly, with gas as expensive as it is, and the fact that Erica has to drive my car, I can’t afford for her to be running all over town. But it just stuck in my craw that Victor would be going along with them. I’m sure Erica “convinced” him and apparently today he’s been in one of his “can’t live without Erica” moods. Another reason I didn’t want them going out is because they have to go back to Stubblefield tomorrow for the second day of the meet. Rather than spend the night there and camp, all the team drove home. That means Erica has to be up at the ROTC building at 5:30 in the morning to leave. She doesn’t need to be out until midnight at the movies.

Anyway, I fear I’m straying from my original point, so let me try to return. Victor is a nice kid, but that’s the point … he’s a kid. I think he fully knows that he’s manipulating Erica’s emotions. He’s not being fair to her. He needs to just cut off the relationship. PERIOD. No friends. No nothing. She will not go on with her life until he does that because he allows her to keep holding on to the hope that he’ll come back.

Yes, I’m an upset momma, but I think I have a right to be. I’m only concerned about my daughter’s welfare. Not Victor’s or anybody else. Can I get some support from some of you out there????? I want your opinions.

Register on the “Whine Bar” front page (where you’re at now), log in, and it will bring you to a page where you can type in anything you want. Then press “Publish” (at the bottom of the page) and then “View Site” (at the top of the page) and you’ll see it on the front page like you’re seeing this now.

I have a friend who lives near Huntsville. She’s in her middle 40’s and has 4 children. The two oldest are twins (boy and girl, Erica’s age), then she has 2 more boys. After about 15 years of marriage, she divorced her husband because the boys confessed that their father had been molesting them since they were toddlers. So she began the process of having charges filed against her ex-husband. Now … 2 years later, after much pain and anguish and emotional problems with the boys, the DA has dropped the charges … they were one week away from going to court for the ex’s trial. The father apparently took a polygraph test and passed. Then two of the boys recanted their accusations … but Matthew refuses to be intimidated by his father. He still sticks to his story because his father REALLY did molest him and his brothers. Anyway, now the DA is deciding whether or not to file charges against my friend for “filing false charges” against her ex.

Crazy, isn’t it? After all those years of abusing the children and her, SHE may be the one going to jail. If you knew all the things he not only put his kids through, but his wife also, you’d think I was writing some sort of novel. Seriously. I’m talking about things he made his wife participate in that I won’t even write about in this forum … you can guess at them and probably be right.

Like I said … sometimes, life ain’t fair. Please pray for Debbie. Ask God to protect her.